September always feels like a fresh start to me – maybe it’s all those years of school! This month I want to share something that happened during a team workshop that reminded me why listening is the most underrated leadership skill.
I was facilitating a session with a cross-functional team that couldn’t agree on their process priorities. The manufacturing director and quality director had been going in circles for months about batch release timing. Fifteen minutes into our meeting, I noticed something interesting: they were both saying essentially the same thing, but neither was actually hearing the other person.
So, I tried an experiment. I asked them to repeat back what they heard the other person say before they could make their own point. The room went silent. Then something magical happened – they realized they both wanted the same outcome but were focused on different parts of the solution.
My thoughts
This reminded me of something I learned years ago during my engineering training: before you can solve a problem, you have to fully understand it. The same is true for team dynamics. Before you can align people, you have to understand what they’re actually trying to achieve.
What I’ve observed over nearly 30 years of consulting is that most team conflicts aren’t actually about different goals – they’re about different approaches to the same goal. But teams skip right past understanding and jump to defending their position.
The breakthrough came when both directors realized they shared the same core concern: getting safe, effective products to patients as quickly as possible. Once they heard that shared purpose, finding a solution became straightforward.
How to:
- Practice the “repeat back” technique: Before responding to someone, say “What I heard you say is…” and confirm you understood correctly.
- Ask the purpose question: When people disagree, ask “What outcome are you trying to achieve?” Often, you’ll discover shared goals underneath different approaches.
Call to action!
Try the repeat-back technique in your next contentious meeting. You might be surprised by what people are actually saying versus what you think you’re hearing.
Let’s listen our way to better collaboration!
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Eli Sharp.
